I just got back from a 5 day weekend, and seriously, whoever advertises ‘vacations’ as ‘relaxing’ can go fuck themselves.
I need a vacation after my vacation.
But then I’d just be more exhausted.
This is getting complicated.
More tequila, please.
Since my brain is
still drunk turned to mush on vacation still, I will let my friends help me out. When I was in Montreal this weekend, I had the liberty of chatting with some pretty fantastic people. Half way through some of these conversations, I had to stop to take note.
Behold… Great Ways to Start a Conversation:
“Let me start by saying, my sister is certifiably crazy.”
“The last time I blacked out…”
“Hi. Your boobs look amazing.”
“She threw a wine glass, full of wine, at me. Glass included.”
“A minister called me a cunt.”
“Can I just ask… why is Sarah Jessica Parker allowed on TV?”
“Tall women are the giraffes of lesbians.”
“After visiting prisons, I realized they remind me a lot of high school.”
“Drinking is a lot easier if you don’t work.”
For those of you who
know think I have a drinking problem, thank blame my friends. They’ll probably challenge you to some cunty, giraffey, prison-like wine battle.
(But watch out for some of them, because they bite. I have the marks to prove it.)