May 16, 2012

Craddle the Whiskey: A Fun New Game!


It’s hump day y’all, so you’d better be humping. And if you’re not humping, you’d better be thinking about humping and cradling a bottle of whiskey between your tits to make yourself feel better for having an inadequate sex life.  

I’m not going to apologize to you guys (I’m an asshole, remember, assholes don’t say sorry), but I am going to give you a heads up that my life is fucking crazeballs right now so my ‘free time’ has been stunted. This means that I’m finding less time to be funny, and more time to be insane. (On an unrelated note, does anyone have any suggestions on how to go about burning down a house without it being retraced to me? Just kidding! (Probably. LOLZ*))

*For those of you new here, I promise I don’t use LOLZ on a regular basis. Maybe.

My roommate and I have (I think) finally narrowed down an apartment to move into. This means that I’m in the throes of moving and all of the glory that comes along with it. (Listen, I know you don’t want to hear about it. Listening to someone talk about moving all the motherfucking time is extremely annoying.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that if you were in my general vicinity for even 2 hours you’d probably try to wrap my telephone chord around my neck and gag me with a stapler. Okay, fine, maybe that’s my fantasy. Whatever. You get what I'm trying to say.)

Stapler gags and office sex jokes aside, I should probably just admit to you that there is no point to this post and you’ve wasted however many minutes it has taken you to get to this point. (2 minutes? … maybe 10 minutes if you’re fucking slow and/or have been cradling aforementioned tit whiskey. I'm hoping for the latter.)

In the spirit of having nothing funny to talk about, I’d like to offer you a representation of what I look like most of the time these days. 



Damn that vodka was good.


*Disclaimer: That’s not me in the picture. 


 
If you need me, I’ll be on the floor in my rubber gloves. LOLZ ;) 



10 comments:

  1. It took me roughly 6.4 minutes. In my defense, I had to get up to pee and make a cup of coffee.
    (good luck in your moving.. that shit sucks AND blows).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not judging. I'm all for peeing and coffee.

      THANKS! SO MUCH FUN.

      Delete
  2. Congrats on finding a place that (hopefully) can't be described by one of your craigslist ads. Good luck with the move!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *fingers crossed!* Here's hoping I don't lose my mind entirely.

      Delete
  3. Heehee titwhiskey. I'm recently dumped and newly living on my broke own. I can't afford decent whiskey, sadly, but I have had my fair share of cheap titwineandcrapmovies, which has been working pretty well. Of course, that did result in me putting a sports bra on backwards yesterday evening...

    So, good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry to hear about your recent singlehood, but I promise it gets much more fun once your titwineandcrapmovies start kickin' in!

      Titwhiskey is really just a goal... but I understand we can't always attain such great heights!

      Thanks!

      Delete
  4. You sure? She looks like you...
    Good luck with the move!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's why I had to put the disclaimer. I didn't want to steal her thunder.

      Thanks, Mel! I'm hoping I won't have to pee on anyone to get this to go smoothly! ;)

      Delete
  5. This picture has it all! The general wasted expression and then of course the rubber gloves on the feet bit. BLOGGING GOLD I tell you!

    ReplyDelete