August 15, 2012

That’s Probably Racist! Part I


Listen guys, I know this blog is full of words. I clearly have high expectations of you when it comes to your ability to follow my trains of thought. So far, I’d like to congratulate you on your efforts and continued patience with me.  I’d also like to pinch your nipples, but I’ll refrain (maybe.)

I know you’re all familiar with the internet and I know you must have a sense of humour if you’ve landed here and continue to subject yourself to this tomfuckery. So! With that in mind, I’ve decided to try a new segment on this here blog. It will exist for the sole purpose of turning your brain to mush, while your sense of humour (hopefully) gets a good workout. It’s like the perfect diet. Except you’ll probably get fat after you realize the world is going to shit and there’s just no fucking point on trying any longer. 

I’m not going to apologize for your rapidly deteriorating sense of purpose in this world.

When it boils down to it, I waste a lot of time online. I also happen to have a very handy unemployed friend who spends her time sending me gems she finds during her strenuous ‘job hunting’ sessions.  If I share these finds with you guys, it feels like our internet time is more like ‘research’ and less like ‘my parents would be so ashamed of me right now.’ 


Without further ado, welcome the newest segment to Polka dot Clovers: 



That’s Probably Racist! Part I 





 My Life






 
 Somebody hates you very, very much, ma'am. 
(I'll give you a hint: It's whoever sold you that hat.)



 
  Probably one of the douchiest bios I've ever seen. Someone slap the hipster.

 

 

 Classic 90's candy whoredom.





 Ever wonder what the fuck Rihanna would look like as a reverend? Look no longer. 
(Thanks Planet Hiltron.)




  You've probably seen this before, but it's pretty much my life's philosophy.



 "He looks like a thumb with hair." - my brilliant girlfriend.




 Life. Am I right, girls?! 





20$ says he held back his hair first and someone had to tell him to look more hardcore and less like a lady. 



*Breathes deeply* 

That's all for now, folks!


*** If you have anything you'd like to see on this segment, please send me a message!

21 comments:

  1. Oh my, that bio. I want to punch that girl. There's no way her real name is "Liv", it's totally Olivia, am I right?

    Thank you also for the Reverend Rihanna. I needed that one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to know who the FUCK is obsesses with peonies and key changes?! Giant douchemongrels, that's who.

      P.S. Her name is probably Livingmistake.

      Delete
  2. Please lie to me and tell me that's a made up bio. What a pretentious twit. If Rihanna wasn't a famous pop-whore, I mean pop-star, that's clearly what she'd look like as Bill Cosby's wife. And I'm pretty sure that hat belongs in the bowels of Candyland.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to tell you it's made up, but that was for real found on the internet. Everything on the internet is real, no?

      Mmmm the bowels of Candyland.

      Delete
    2. ALSO: FUCK YES BILL COSBY.

      Delete
  3. a thumb with hair! brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought so. Also, pretty fucking accurate, I'd say.

      Delete
  4. Honestly, nobody enjoys room temperature water. She is a stupid bitch who would probably say that she enjoys her soup cold and in a retro thermos while wearing cut-off gloves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is nothing about this comment that I don't love.

      Delete
  5. i was (b)raised in california. just thought i'd let everyone know. (as if!)

    http://romanticallychallenged.net

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i was (b)raised to believe that people who say they were braised deserve a kick to the crotch.

      Delete
  6. I love this, I want more! That picture of Tom Cruise, I mean, it's pretty hot, so I thought nothing could be said for me to laugh at it. How wrong I was.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Now that I have a 'reason' to waste hours online, I will put much effort into finding some gems!

      I am SO happy I could make a Tom Cruise fan laugh at his lady-ness.

      Delete
  7. Clearly the internet is not a waste of time. It proves that regardless of any questionable decisions I've made, someone has made a worse one.

    Your brilliant WHO said he looks like a thumb (truth)? Did I miss the part where you have a new girlfriend? Or are you doing that tricky/douchey thing when a straight woman calls a friend her "girlfriend" and I stare at her for a moment trying to decipher whether or not she gets down with the vag?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA. My brilliant WHO WHAT NOW?
      You, my internet bff, are an observant SOB.

      I was not doing the douchey straight girl thing. I hate those douchey straight girls. They deserve a vag to the face for saying girlfriend. EVERY TIME.
      I do, in fact, have a new girlfriend. She's lovely and wonderful.
      I bet I can convince her to drive down to Boston.
      ... YOU JUST WAIT.

      Delete
    2. Way to throw that one in there on the sly. I approve of her already on account of she may be up for a trip to Boston (this is better news than hearing brownies can be made in the microwave). I know my approval is extremely important to you so I just wanted to throw it out there.

      Delete
    3. When it comes to my love life, your approval is the only approval I need.

      Delete
  8. I really can't stop laughing about that Rihanna picture. It's brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should check out his other stuff. It seriously keeps me laughing for HOURS.

      https://www.facebook.com/pages/Planet-Hiltron/150175044998030

      Delete
  9. A few things:
    1. For some reason, my computer wouldn't allow me to click on the link to this post via twitter, so I had to google your blog. The first thing that showed up was "Polka Dot Afro Circus". I don't know what in the blue fuck that is, and it has NOTHING to do with your post whatsoever, but I had to share it anyways, because POLKADOT AFRO CIRCUS.
    2. New Girlfriend? FUCK YEAH!
    3. That's the exact same face I make when I splash Vodak in my eyes.
    4. These are AWESOME.
    5. I wish Nickelback would die FOREVER
    The end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1. WHAT!? That's amazing. I sort of wish my blog was called Polka dot Afro Circus.
      2. Uh HUH. You got it. Sex.
      3. I want to see your Vodak face.
      4. I KNOW RIGHT!?
      5. FOREVER ISN'T LONG ENOUGH.

      <3

      Delete